5 Things To Remember When You Respond To A Jerk
Thursday, February 4th, 2010Yesterday I got a call from a friend who just started blogging for his company. Wouldn’t you know the first comment he received was from a jerk? You know a jerk…the kind of person who isn’t so much interested in helpful criticism as much as they are throwing out unhelpful and potentially unwarranted jabs? That’s basically what the commenter did in this case.
My friend asked me how to respond. As you may guess, his first reaction was to jab back with a few choice words of his own, but he didn’t do that. He also thought about deleting the comment altogether. I recommended he do neither. Here’s my response to him with five things to remember when responding to a jerk:
1. Don’t delete the comment unless it’s profane.
Just because someone is a jerk doesn’t mean they were vulgar. Sure, they should have been more helpful with their criticism and less mean-spirited, but still they didn’t do anything profane. If that’s the case, leave the comment online.
2. Take the high road.
Respond politely without a hint of sarcasm or attitude. Act like the jerk was actually helpful and respond that way because…(see number 3).
3. You’re not just responding to the jerk.
When you respond to a jerk you’re not just talking to him or her, but you’re showing everyone else who reads it that you’re above petty name calling or defensive responses.
4. Don’t feel like you need to agree with the jerk.
Just because you’re responding doesn’t mean you’re giving them validity. I have had people comment on my blog who I totally disagreed with. By responding to them I usually try to clarify my point a bit even if it’s obvious that we’re not on the same page. I’m always compelled to respond to commenters, but I’m never compelled to agree with them just because they commented. We should want to be part of the dialogue and welcome critical feedback and the exchange of ideas, but don’t think that you have to agree with everyone who comments on your blog.
5. Know when to stop commenting.
Sometimes a jerk will keep on coming back for more just to keep arguing. I usually stop after two responses to the same person and shut it down with a “we’re just going to have to agree to disagree on this” kind of statement. That usually works and it keeps you on the high road.
